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Does my son have to go to Kabouterhuis?
I have a 4 year old son, who is turning 5 in end of January this month.
He only speaks Japanese at this moment.
I have decided to share my experience because I met a neighbor who also shared her experiences here and received a positive support.
My son has been very active, and he went to a child-care for few weeks. But my husband is at home during the weekday providing him with activities such as art, music, playing in the playground, reading, and writing.
He was at the democratic school, where he went twice a week for couple of hours. Since the teachers had issues communicating with him, one of us (parent) will be present to support with communication and also looking after him.
Recently, he switched to a Dalton school in which the 6 weeks trial has started.
Since my son cannot sit still in class, he only goes there during the play time. 3 to 4 times a week for an hour. After 2 weeks, and observation + test conducted by the psychologist the school counselor advises to take him to Kabouterhuis.
My concern is that Kabouterhuis according to the school counselor is much stricter. She gave an example saying that if you do something wrong 3 times, you have consequence. The consequence that would be given according to the counselor is not punishment. I feel that the whole system of doing something wrong 3 times, and then receiving a consequence does not meet with the education that is effective for guiding children. My concern grew as I spoke to the counselor, because I explained that parents decisions are important as much as our son's feelings and opinions.
If he opposes to going to Kabouterhuis after several trials, we will have to take him out because we do not force our son to do things that he REALLY doesn't want. But the counselor says, that you will have to just put him there. Because it is the best for him.
So now, I decided to take a step back and ask the counselor to provide a full report on the 2 week trial at the school ( which was less than 10 hours ), and also the report from the psychologist which the test was conducted non verbally.
The counselor also pointed out that my son could not sit still when they were doing activities. But now as I write and think about the whole situation, I wonder if the teacher have provided him with other activities to work on while the class went on with the language he does not YET understand. When I was attending the international school, I remember whenever the class did activities which I could not do, due to the language barrier I needed to let the teacher know and then she will give me other activities to work on... until a year after when I was able to catch up with the class.
I will continue to share with you the thoughts and experiences I am going through.
wij kunnen hier alleen maar de topicstarter van advies dienen
Dus bespiegelingen wat de hulpverlening wel of niet zou moeten doen zijn hier vrij zinloos.
Bewaar dat maar voor je eigen draadje alsjeblieft. Laten we hier ons beperken tot advies aan degene die daar om vraagt. (al lijkt dat ook vrij zinloos, ik heb niet het idee dat we gewaardeerd worden).
Toch wel Vaas
Juist de verschillende stemmen in dit draadje geven aan hoe verschillend er aangekeken wordt tegen zo'n situatie als waar de ouders hier in beland zijn. En dat vult elkaar juist heel goed aan en is heel leerzaam, want zo is het natuurlijk in het echt ook. Ik vind het juist een heel waardevol draadje. Maar ik kan me inderdaad niet inhouden als de realistische dreiging van een melding, inderdaad daar zou ik me wel op voorbereiden, ook hier aan de orde komt. Ik ga daar geen antwoord op geven in een ander draadje.
ja maar ga dan in op wat de ouders moeten doen
Bespiegelingen dat het geen hulp is zijn hier een beetje zinloos. Hier is concrete hulp geboden (kabouterhuis). Als ouders dat niet accepteren en niet zelf andere hulp zoeken dan zou ik rekening houden met een zorgmelding. Vandaar ook mijn advies voor een advocaat. Die kan uitleggen wat er wel en niet kan binnen het systeem.
Advocaat
Nou inderdaad, ook een optie. Er is hier van alles genoemd waar de ouders hun weg in moeten kiezen. En dat doen ze ook. Ze hebben zelfs aangegeven dat ze dat hier ook verder melden.
#1
"I will continue to share with you the thoughts and experiences I am going through."
Mogelijk kunnen ze de Nederlandse reacties wel vertalen, al is het met Google Translate, of een collega of vriend.
Bedankt voor informatie!
All the comments here have been very helpful in making decisions and also understand the situation. I will need to go back again here and there to re-read and digest the valuable information.
As AnneJ mentioned, if my son meets a teacher that can support him to adapt to what is expected in this Dutch society (+ society in general), Kabouterhuis could be also an option. My son still has several weeks of trial, and he will also go through the nonverbal test conducted by the speech therapist in the coming weeks. With the information gathered from this forum, I will work out with my husband, son, support from the current school, lawyer (we already have been consulting to our family lawyer), other international schools, and Japanese school what the best options would be.
Regarding the diet comment, I made, of course, I did not intend to offend anyone. However, the modern diet around the world has been the cause of degenerative diseases. This is proven by Weston Price who went around the world to find tribes who had the best set of teeth. You can find more about the info from his book "Nutrition and Physical Degeneration." Another book that mentions the issue with the modern way of eating is "Deep Nutrition" by Dr. Catherine Shanahan.
Diet
The only thing is that diet habits have nothing to do with your question. I assume you do not try to say that your son is not able to sit still, speak Dutch and throws with toys because of his eating habits.
I really hope it all works out with your son and his current school.
Actually she does
seem to imply that he is not able to sit still because of his eating habits.
"The teachers were too old to look over-energetic son like him.
You must understand, my son sleeps super well, eats organic wholesome food, no processed food, eating out in the restaurant is once in every 2 months, no junk food, etc. It's hard to compare with other children, who have eye circles, who eat crackers or bread for breakfast and lunch."
The right track
Looks like you are on the right track. I wish you luck and a lot of success and stamina. Remember, everyone has an opinion and considers hers or his advice the best, so there is always comment on whatever you do or do not achieve. As long as you are educated and firm on the road ahead of you and your son, you have the very best chances that all will work out. Sooner or later.
Bedankt AnneJ
Yes!
Also good luck
I think you have a good idea of all the things you van do. I wish you luck.
AnneJ says:' as long as you are educated and firm in the road....' I would like to add one thing: as long as you communicate with other people who try to do something good for your child. Be curieus, ask questions without prejudices.
Tsjor
Temporary or permanent?
If you will stay here permanent, its important to improve the skills of the Dutch language.
If not, you can visit an international school or you and the boy are going back to Japan while your husband stays here.That happens often at the family of expats.
Warning
Don’t be too open about the way you raise your child, ( food, rules, religion etc). Its not their business.
Just focus on education.
i think
The husband wil go back to Japan, he is the stay at home parent in this case.
Dutch language
https://www.oba.nl/oba/amsterdam-public-library.html
More and more libraries in the Netherlands have possibilities to help with learning the language, advice, inspiration, learning and practising.
Radiation
Amy wrote that they left Japan due to radiation. I understood they will not go back to Japan.
So they will stay in the Netherlands, but may move to another part of the country, if that is better for schooling of the son.
@Amy: is the lawyer speciized in law related to schooling? That is important.
Aanpassen of oprotten
Wat een hautaine gedoe zeg. Als allles hier zo slecht is. Ga dan naar het groene gras bij de buren.
Goh Jan
Ga zelf naar de buren! Wat een kortzichtige reactie zeg.
Happy or Right
Honoustly, I think the advice about getting a lawyer is three steps in the wrong direction. In dutch there is a saying "wilde gij geluk of gelijk", which would translate into "do you want happyness or just to be called right".
While youre intentions are not to offend, every time you mention the Dutch eating or school systems, you do sound superior. It does seem like you think the way dutch eat (cheese! Bread! milk!) is somehow responsible that they (the dutch teachers, other kids at school and the experts) don't understand your child.
This may or may not be the case. Fact is that there is also research that dutch stomages are build for cheese, bread and milk, and that west-European are with this diet better in fighting diseases as HIV and the plague. Fact is that Dutch skin colours are pale - so any walls can be seen quite quickly. Fact is that your child spits, crys, throws with toys and can't visit school for a longer period than 2 hours a day.
Brings me to a repetition of myself. We don't know if there is anything wrong with your son. Quite frankly: you don't know either. The only thing you know is that you haven't found a way to let him act in an acceptable way in a dutch school. Maybe its the school, the food, wifi radiation or the lepracons that are sitting in his bag, but he doesn't fit in the regular schoolsystem.
What my advice would be: work with people to find out what's causing his behaviour. Is it a hearing problem? Learning, language barrier or behaviour disability? Or just an overprotective parent that needs to step aside and let her child learn the Dutch language?
Lawyers are good for creating and cultivating arguments and discussions. I know AnneJ has some experience with them, and a lot of bad experiences with how child organisations can totally choose a wrong direction. But you are not her. Your child is not her child. You can choose at this moment to cooperate. Focus on what your kid needs to adjust to school. Ask their help how you can help your kid to grow into school. Ask what they think what would help - and don't try to include your vision on food or society in your response.
In Summary: work together, to create a happy child. Instead of fighting to get the parents there "you are right", whild their kid's still having troubles adjusting to school.
I think you must feel very lonesome, In a foreign country, so different to your homeland!
My vision: Kabouterhuis is probably recommended for your son because they think there are some serious concerns about his behaviour. They don't do it just because they like to. I agree with Limi that what you describe, is very remarkable and I think you should be concerned. Spitting and throwing stuff is not normal for a child that only has issues with understanding the language.
Otherwise (if your son doesn't have any disorder) it's about adaptation, I'm afraid. If you are planning to stay in the Netherlands (or Europe) for a long time, try to get some Dutch friends, Japanese friends who are already living here for a while as well. I've got the impression you are quite isolated with your little family here, so no one could tell you your son is acting strange for a child of his age. Didn't you go to the infant welfare centre (consultatiebureau) for his vaccinations and stuff? They must have seen something there.....
I think:
with the ideas on education that you have, a Waldorf/Steiner school may be a good idea.
As for your son's behaviour, you can have Kabouterhuis look at that, but also a child psychiatrist (through your GP). Maybe your son can cope better if he gets a diagnosis and takes medication such as Ritalin.
I agree with your way of raising him, but to outsiders this may look like spoiling him. And now you also refuse to send him to Kabouterhuis, which they may see as not cooperating and not acting in his interest. In fact, he is probably overstimulated and that is why he shows this behaviour - nothing to do with spoiling him.
Once he goes to Kabouterhuis it will be harder for him to go to a regular school. All schools in the area will know that he went there. But if you go to a psychiatrist and give him medication (if the psychiatrist says he needs it), the school does not need to know. He may need a special needs school in the future anyway, but you can't know that yet at this age.
I managed to keep my son in regular education and gave him medication through a psychiatrist. He is now doing very well. If I could do it again, I would not even tell the school that we were seeing a child psychiatrist, because schools do look differently at children when they know that. But you may have to, in order to explain why you are not sending him to Kabouterhuis.
I hope this helps; it is a slightly different perspective on it all.